Colour in a Fenced in World

Wordpress

2010-03-16T11:17:00.000-04:00

As I decide to become more active in my blogging I decided to move the blog over to WordPress. Please come through to check out the new layout and the new posts! Follow the link > http://www.colourinafencedinworld.wordpress.com/

TAC 2009 Campaign TV ad...Don't Drink and Drive

2010-03-02T14:06:00.000-05:00

(via TheLegendsLeague)

It's The Small Things That Count

2010-02-25T14:08:00.000-05:00

I should have written this awhile ago but my friend procrastination paid me a looong visit. I wanted to share an accomplishment you all. As of January of 2010 I now OWN all my furniture in my home. YAY! It may not seem that big a deal to some and I admit it's not like becoming a home owner or even buying your first car but to me its one small step in that direction. My only other big purchase was my first laptop but now I'm an adult with rent and bills to pay, groceries to be bought and kids to tend to. It took me a year to pay off my furniture that fills the small space in my apartment but I was organized enough to make those payments monthly before being charged up the ass with interest. I know it seems like something small but coming from where I come from its HUGE.

Tres Chic

2010-02-16T13:32:00.000-05:00

Tres Chic by Mafita featuring Dolce Vita shoes

Prima Ballerina

2010-02-14T14:00:00.000-05:00

Prima Ballerina by Mafita featuring Forever21

Love Playlist

2010-02-14T03:19:00.003-05:00

Create a playlist at MixPod.com

Lady in Red

2010-02-14T02:04:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day:

Lady in Red by Mafita featuring Lanvin necklaces

Chris De Burgh - The Lady In Red

by Chris-de-Burgh

Rock n' Roll Bitchez

2010-02-13T15:08:00.005-05:00

Rock n' Roll Bitchez by Mafita featuring Alexander McQueen shoes

In Need of Glamour

2010-02-12T13:38:00.001-05:00

So it happens every now and then that I need a serious shopping therapy trip. I rarely get those, first of all because I'm usually broke as a joke and second because I need to do it alone. I HATE shopping with people! The only person that has the tolerance to keep up with me is my mother but I think she gets kind of fed up with me as well. Ever since I gained all this weight with my last pregnancy shopping is alot more difficult and frustrating for me. I wish i was born in the era of cinched waists and glamour galore. I love the drama, the ruffles, the rouge lips, soft waved hair and all around femininity of those days. I'm a big fan of black and white movies and musicals. Vintage fashion always has a way of showing its influence in everyday fashion trends and the feeling accompanying it is just so fabulous to me. I was definetly born in the wrong era, I've always thought that. Its funny that I should love all this stuff so much considering thats its the complete opposite of who I am.

The women were so beautiful and always looked so glamed out:

Maria Felix

(everybody thinks I was named after her but alas I was not)

You can't bring up old hollywood glamour without having Marilyn pop in your head. She embodies everything about the old look I love so much.

I love seeing how they incorporate the old glam into the new glam:

Nightmare vs. Reality

2010-02-04T11:48:00.001-05:00

Have you ever wondered how you're going to die? I'm sure you have, everyone does. Is it going to be a quick painless death? Am I going to suffer? Will it be sickness or old age? Perhaps a tragic accident? I have been thinking about this for awhile now, I dont mean in a suicidal kind of way (we off that), moreso in a reflective manner. I analyze my life and those in it, the things I've done and would like to do. Am I happy? I'd be lying if I said yes...I'm not. I spend too much time enveloped in negativity, negativity from myself and others. There are still too many things I would like to do in my life, too many experiences I would still like to enjoy, theres too much improvement to be made to who I am still.

Everything I've mentioned is all about me, now imagine the plans and the experiences I have in mind to share and go through with my family...but sometimes I can't help but shake that feeling that it will all end sooner then I would like it to. I'm plagued with very disturbing images, noises, smells and thoughts...I've lived through very tragic scenarios without actually having physically lived them. Very few people ever really understand this so I usually keep these things to myself. I was always told I have a very vivid imagination, ever since I was a child. Could there be more to it? I dont know. The older I've gotten the darker these thoughts have become. They scare the shit out of me sometimes. OK, most times. I think my biggest fear is that these reocurring images are a way of me foreseeing something that will happen...the thought of that alone makes the hair on my body stand on end.

Alot of times I've thought that maybe these fears and these thoughts are a result of the kind of childhood I had. I was 5 years old when I came to Canada with my mom. I was seperated from everyone and everything I knew without knowing why...to this day I can still see my grandmother standing on the other side of that thick glass wall as we were walking away from her. I kept looking back until I couldnt see her anymore. I remember asking my mom where my dad was and why he wasnt going with us...he wasn't there to see us off. He joined us here 6 months later. My parents both worked nights with my aunt and uncle (they sponsored us to come to Canada), we were living in the basement of their home. I used to be left alone in that cold basement while my parents went to work their asses off and wouldnt get back until the next morning. I would be left watching TV since my cousins would lock the basement door so I couldnt go upstairs, the youngest one out of them was 5 years older then me and they all found me annoying. I remember sitting there watching TV until the broadcast would end and that incessant beeping would start. Even then I wouldnt move from how my parents left me...I would be too scared.

I would keep my feet tucked in under my nightgown because I thought someone/something would grab them. I used to see shadows dancing around me and people, big and small, poking their heads out from around corners. I would be scared to even look beside me to see if in fact there was someone standing there in my peripheral. It happened several times that I would be too scared to move, so much so that I would pee myself and sit in it until I either a) mustered up enough courage to get up, change and go lay down on the bed or b) my parents got home the next morning. The nights I would get the courage to go to bed I would lay in the middle of the bed cocooned into a blanket with my eyes darting from side to side waiting to see hands or a face pop up from the edges of the bed. I would hear breathing coming from under my bed and at times could feel someone/something scratching under it. There were very few times that I would actually make it up those basement stairs to check if they had remembered to lock the door and I would find it open, so I would creep up to my youngest cousin's room and she would let me sleep with her.

I dont hold any resentment towards my parents for this for they were immigrants and we were staying with family rent free so they felt that this was their way to repay them for bringing us here and letting us stay in their home. My parents were exploited and depressed. Winters were very difficult, we moved into a bachelor eventually and then a one bedroom apartment. I would fall asleep to the sound of the freight trains passing right beside our building, it was soothing at times, only to be woken up by screaming and yelling. My parents arguing, objects being thrown around and me waking up yelling to my dad not to touch my mom...those are my childhood memories as a newcomer here to Canada and its that same fear I feel now as an adult with my own two kids when I see these taunting, disturbing images play out infront of me.

WE SEE YOU HAITI

2010-01-19T13:54:00.003-05:00

On Tuesday, January 12, a devastating earthquake hit Haiti, just 15km from the capital. Reaching a magnitude of 7.0, this is the worst earthquake Haiti has experienced in 200 years. While the death toll is still unclear, hundreds of thousands are feared to be dead. Another three million are affected as schools, homes and hospitals have collapsed.

Haiti is one of the world’s poorest countries, meaning that vital services like electricity and water are now almost completely inaccessible in the wake of the destruction. At this moment, the people of Haiti need our support more than ever.

With the help of social networks such as Twitter the echoes of all those affected by this disaster, whether it be because they had family there or simply felt a sense of obligation to help and answer the cries of despair of our Haitian brothers and sisters, so it started. The wheels went into motion to put together a fundraising event that will gather some of Toronto's best DJs.

L’Union Fait La Force - WE SEE YOU HAITI

Fundraiser to benefit those affected by the Earthquakes in Haiti Thursday January 28th at Wet Bar - 106 Peter Street

Featuring DJ's - Dr. Jay, Agile, P-Plus, Grouch, Lil Jaz, Dopey, DJ Riccachet & DJ Therap, Paul E. Lopes, Son of Soul and Dj Bunitall

Hosted By: Arcee and dscratch

Donation of $10 or more.
All proceeds going to the Red Cross International Fund earmarked for Haiti.

There will also be a silent auction, all proceeds are also going to the Red Cross International Fund earmarked for Haiti.

A special thank you to the sponsors who have donated items for the silent auction: Adidas, Fila, Athlete's World, Livestock, HMV, Virgin Mobile, Playstation, Marc Ecko Watches, Delta Hotels, Offshoot Communications, Chiggy's Hair Salon, RS by Sheckler, Crooks and Castle, La Coste, Alice Fazoolis, New Era, La Coupe Hair products, Substance Group, The Grant Brothers MMA & Boxing Gym, Vernissage Jewellery, The Tourism Board of Saint Lucia and Universal Music Canada.

Rip

2010-01-15T15:12:00.000-05:00

I can't sleep

I can't dream

I can't rip my skin's seams

I can't step out this shell

I can't leave my own hell

I can't be who I want

I can't bear all the taunts

Rip it off, melt it down

Take my veil and my crown

For I'll never quite be

The princess for thee

I'm not what you seek

I am plain, I am meek

Reflections taunt

They are horribly cruel

Want to shatter them all

Grab the glass from the floor

And just rip, tear and cut

...rip, tear...cut

Re-Mixing 101

2010-01-15T12:02:00.000-05:00

KEYS N KRATES - Re-Mixing 101 by Keys N Krates

Can you imagine a mix like this at your wedding reception? WHAT?!?! These guys are fucken geniuses. Yeah, these guys right here>>>Keys N Krates<<< Don't sleep on 'em. So if you didn't know, now you know.

Understanding Low Libido in Women

2010-01-14T00:51:00.003-05:00

Science has long paid a great deal of attention to the dire predicament of men losing their sex drive or their capacity to perform sexually. However, with taboos increasingly becoming irrelevant, greater focus is finally being invested in understanding women's sexual health. What has come to light in the past few decades are two things: First, low libido is more common in women than their male counterparts. And second, the reason for this is because the female libido is far more complicated than the male libido. Unlike in males, waning libidos in females are more difficult to diagnose. This is because of their ambiguous signals and because female sex drive is influenced by both physical and emotional factors.

The official name assigned to distressingly low libidos is Hypoactive Sexual Desire (HSD), and it invites much debate regarding females. Partially, this is because, unlike men, female sexual responses are not necessarily projected in physical forms. Whereas lack of arousal or sexual dysfunctions in men interfere with sexual performance (such impotence or premature ejaculation), females with low libidos are still capable of doing "it", even if physical signs of arousal, such as erect nipples or increased blood flow to the genitalia, lessen. But a dampened libido is rarely assumed by women to signify permanence. After all, attempting to quantify what constitutes a low sex drive is impossible as even a healthy drive fluctuates by the influence of external and internal factors.

Physiologically speaking, there are many processes that women’s bodies endure that males don't. This explains, at least partially, the differences between their overall sex drives, as well as why women's libidos are more likely to fluctuate more greatly than their more randy counterparts. Hormonal changes are one example. During menopause, estrogen levels drop affecting both the health of vaginal tissue as well as overall interest in sex due to a coinciding drop in testosterone. Also, pregnancy and post-childbirth are accompanied by hormonal changes. Compound that with the exhaustion and situational changes of those times, and sexual libido often suffers.

Similar to men, there are physical causes that can influence the sex drive in women. Illness or medical diseases impact libidos, particularly cancers that contribute to infertility which affects the psyche and physical desires of women. Anything that affects the physical health of females, such as poor eating habits, lack of sleep, obesity, anorexia, and lack of physical exercise share a correlation with decreased sexual drive. As is the case for low libido in men, medication, alcohol, and drugs all manipulate the proper functions of the body and hamper the sexual appetites.

But the problems do not have to be physical to be real. Many psychologists accuse the psychosexual of having the greatest influence on the libido of women. Among the psychological influences on low libido include depression, stress, relationship issues, and low self-esteem over body image. Psychosexual theory asserts that the female libido can be profoundly impacted by the past, such as a history of sexual abuse during childhood. Worse yet, the psychological can begin to influence the biological as anxieties towards sex are believed to be a key cause to vaginismus which causes the vagina to become tense by the involuntary contraction of surrounding muscles during intercourse.

The low libido in women is often understated because it is viewed as fluctuating and inconsistent, unlike males. To a degree, that is true. But it is rarely dealt with properly. More often, it is not discussed at all. Exactly like males though, the key remedy is a balance between the physical and the mental. For women, the emotional health is as essential to sexual health as physical health.

Naughty Makes Nice

2010-01-12T14:59:00.000-05:00

I'm going to a sex toy party at the end of the month at a girlfriend's house and have already been questioned if I'm going to get something and why do I need anything if I have the real thing...I am not replacing anyone with a battery operated toy! Why do men feel threatened by vibrators and dildos? Nothing to fear guys, if you're doing your thang and you're open about your desires, needs and wants you're good. You my friend have a healthy sex life. So what if she has a vibrator to keep her company when you're not around to scratch that itch? Don't you guys realise that the more sexual we are, the more YOU benefit from it??? Maybe somedays we don't want the foreplay and the kissing and groping that comes before the main course. Is it bad if we just want to go into straight unadulterated f***ing? Seems to me that guys feel threatened that the Bunny might make them look bad. Don't worry fellas, chances are when shes using her pocket rocket shes actually thinking of you and will be revved to ~~f**k your brains out~~ rock your world. So should naughty goods be more helpful then harmful to a relationship? I would think so. That naughty, sensuality that a woman might feel may open her up to explore ~~herself~~ other sexual sides that she didn't even know existed. An excellent example was written by yet another favourite blogger max-logic where she talks about anal sex being the new thing the cool girls are doing. *jots down anal beads on shopping list and lots and lots of KY* Maybe I should do my research before going to this party.

BF vs. Online Friends

2010-01-06T15:16:00.008-05:00

Ok this is a reocurring problem in my relationship, it doesn't help that I'm alot more into online networking then he is. I think I may have used His name once (or twice?) in my blog so far because I know he doesn't really like to be put out there...BUT! he also doesnt like to be kept in the attic! So He, Him, Us...blah blah blah...are all refering to me and...well...HIM! Why are men threatened by online friends?? Same reason women are!!! Insecurities. Yup, thats it. there is that fear that you will find yourself in some whirlwind cyber romance, that you will find someone more interesting perhaps. Some guys just dont like their shit exposed for others to read, they feel uncomfortable with people knowing stuff about them that they aren't even aware of. I believe that once you reach a certain point of maturity in your relationship you're cool with it and you feel secure enough that even though the skinny bitch/washboard stomach guy is on your significant other's networks that you have NOTHING to be worried about! I dont consider myself a 'Blogger' by any means, I write here to vent or to just have a 10 minute escape from whatever bullshit I'm doing, but I really liked this video of a few husbands that have mommy bloggers as wives. Mom bloggers just put EVERYTHING out there! They blog about family life and its not always pretty! Here is the video and I will try and get written and notarised permission to post up a picture of Him *side eye*.

Ok I had to come back and edit this part here to remove the video because I couldnt get the auto play to stop. So instead of posting the video I will provide you with the link. If you are a blogger and you and your husband/partner/bf/ him whatever you want to call him, have had problems because of it take a peek.

Momversation Men Strike Back!

Cool

2010-01-05T14:32:00.004-05:00

Cut Chemist
Spat

Cut Chemist - Spat

Music Video Codes at http://www.blastro.com/

Director/Animator James Reitano brings to life a conversation between two turntables in this video collaboration with Cut Chemist (Jurassic 5, Ozomatli).

Love the concept of this video.

12 Days of Christmas Past

2010-01-05T14:10:00.002-05:00

Day #5:

I want a house. MY own house where I can raise my family. I have never been too big on the whole house with white picket fence dreams but I think I'm gettin to that point in my life that I do want that. I want a place where my kids can grow, somewhere where we can bring our grandkids to once my girls are older. I feel like I should already be in a place of my own so this is on the ASAP list.

Quote

2009-12-31T01:15:00.000-05:00

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

12 Days of Christmas Past

2009-12-28T23:42:00.000-05:00

Day #6:

Ok so I had to change the name up a bit considering that Christmas came and went already, but the list must go on. This is a preview of my next post. The next item on my list would be cosmetic surgery. Yup, going under the knife for the sake of beauty. Yea yea say what you want, its superficial blah blah blah. If you had the money to do it you would or have already for some of you. I wouldnt touch my face though. I hate seeing girls with fake lips or uneven eyes. I would go all out with the body though.

Things don't look quite the same after having 2 kids and I've never been too happy with the way my body looks, even prior to the kids, mind you now I WISH I still looked like that! The worst thing for me is my tummy so first on the list would be a tummy tuck. Lets face it, sometimes exercise just isnt enough:

I would be more then content with my stomach looking like this. Ab definition can be worked on.

Next would be the liposuction to get those pesky little back rolls (dont judge, the second kid did a number on me) and get rid of that damn thigh rub that makes me think over whether I want to wear a dress, skirt or shorts. I wonder what its like for these bow legged bitches to not know what the hell it feels like for their thighs to rub together.

On to the next one! Now why waste all that fat that will be sucked out?? We are living in eco-friendly times right so in order for there to be less human waste lets use it! How a bout a Brazilian Butt Lift? A Brazilian Butt Lift has a natural feel because you're using your own natural body fat, much better then implants. With Fat Grafting you get two body contouring procedures in one.

Now as much as I am willing to do this stuff to myself I'm not too sure about implants, breast implants. All of the procedures I've mentioned have involved me reducing and reusing my own fat and tissues, none require me to insert and vessel any foreign objects in my body. So I would be ok with smaller breasts as long as they look nice and a little perkier, so a little breast lift would suffice.

Alot of people might think me crazy, alot of people might consider me vain, even insecure. Perhaps they are all right to some effect. The only thing I am certain of is that I am tired of looking away from the reflection in my mirror. I'm tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin and at times feeling like I just want to rip it off. I was always the chubby one between my cousins, always felt like the chubby one between friends even though I wasn't. I have never felt happy with myself and after bearing two kids it has been not just a physically draining experience but also an emotional and mental battle within myself to learn how to wear the stretch marks proudly, which I've learned to do but when I know there's extra baggage I'm carrying around that makes my clothes not fit me right or makes people (men and women alike) look past me at the pretty, svelte girl behind me then it takes a huge toll on my self esteem. I guess I've just always wondered what it would be like to be the girl that turns heads.

Mood Swing

2009-12-28T15:38:00.000-05:00

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

12 Days of Christmas

2009-12-21T12:43:00.000-05:00

Day #7:

I know I've been slacking on this wishlist but with the Holidays upon us its been crazy busy. With that said, here is my next wishlist item...now this one should be number 1 on the list but these are all in no particular order and this is just something that I need in my life NOW! I'm talking about a trip to an exotic vacation destination, I'm talking about about a Fiji all-inclusive exoctic island resort - Turtle Island *sigh* A vacation with my other half here would be ideall. Um...perhaps even an ideall...wedding destination *clears throat*. Just saying:

SOME DAY

True Confessions

2009-11-27T15:16:00.001-05:00

I wanted to write this post yesterday but for lack of time and also a little reluctance in shedding some more light into who I am, I didn't. I love to read blogs and I have found some very inspiring, amusing and all around great writers to follow through the blogosphere. One of which is Darling Nicky, a relationship blogger and pretty much everything else having to do with the human condition and behaviour. She wrote a post called I'm Rubber, You're Glue which pushed me into writing this. She states:

"One of life's most bizarre phenomenons is that often times, we spend more time worrying about what strangers think of us, rather than of what our own loved ones do."

Alot of us are guilty of this and as to where I am not like that about most things there is one thing that always keeps me back and I'm ashamed of...yes, ashamed...and thats the fact that I never even graduated high school. I have not attended any colleges or universities. I don't have any papers to frame and hang up anywhere. Dont get me wrong I can be proud of how far I've gotten without having those credentials to back me up! I have been working since I was 16 and had my time where I really enjoyed school, but once I hit high school I was just so turned off and everyday felt so stale and monotonous. I was bored. I am still like this, I get bored at work ALL the time. I dont feel challenged and I feel like a child could do my work if taught properly. This takes a giant blow to my self-esteem, to my ego and to my any sense of accomplishment I may have.

Another inspiring lady I follow @firstladyd on Twitter brought my attention to a TED video by Gavin Sheppard that was posted on yet another favourite blog 1 LOVE T.O. about creative education. I have been following Gavin's work since the MySpace days and it's so inspiring and just makes me so proud to see how far he has gotten with his vision. That vision is called The Remix Project. In the following video Gavin explains how the concept and the idea of Remix came about:

If you would like to know more about Gavin you can read his bio by clicking on his name. Hearing him speak was the last shove I needed to write this post. Gavin, like myself, doesn't have the education he would have liked to attain. Gavin. like myself, has life experiences to fall back on. Gavin, like myself, has a passion for helping others and it creates excitement in what he does to see the results of his efforts. Gavin, unlike myself, has pursued and conquered in doing this. It's horrible feeling stuck and not being able to find a way out. Alot of times it feels like I'm surrounded by people that just "settle" or perhaps like to call themselves "realists". It's great to hear my family say "You can do it!" when I tell them my ambitions and my plans but when it comes down to it everybody has their own plans and their own strifes to deal with, therefore I have to inturn be a realist and realise that I have to help MYSELF in achieving all I want to and not rely on anyone else to really be there for me. If they are GREAT! That's an added bonus but if they are not then...well...then they are not. That's it.

In order to take off and grab momentum I have decided to go for my GED. It will make me feel better so I am going to do it. If it were up to me I would study for the rest of my life! I love to learn new things and expand and push my knowledge. So that's that! I'm going to start prepping for my GED =D Wish me luck!

12 Days of Christmas

2009-11-16T11:19:00.001-05:00

Day #8:

I think I'm the only person I know that does not own an ipod or a Mac anything for that matter! I've wanted an itouch since they came out on the market and I think that if someone doesn't actually get it for me this might be my christmas gift to myself, it's definetly something I will make good use of. I love music and since I never watch TV at home I would like something that I can use to catch up on my House MD episodes that I miss while I'm on the go.

12 Days of Christmas

2009-11-13T11:05:00.002-05:00

Day #9:

Every girl needs a pair of classic black pumps in her wardrobe and what better shoes to have in your closet then a pair of Christian Louboutin declic leather black pumps?? I am not used to wearing very high heels anymore, to be honest with you they KILL my flat feet but hard hitting designer fashion does not always mean pleasure without pain. I love these shoes, the smart and sophistcated look will match anything you pair them up with, whether it be a pair of leggings or a pencil skirt and the high stiletto heel will lengthen your legs, which is a big plus for lil' me. These particular shoes are last years model and I have not been able to find them again but I had originally seen them on http://www.net-a-porter.com/

12 Days of Christmas

2009-11-12T11:04:00.000-05:00

Day #10:

If somebody could pay for Molly Maid to come into my apartment and clean it all for me I will love them until I take my last breath of life!! My biggest challenge with maintaining a decent apartment, especially while working a 9 to 5, is to be able to clean my WHOLE apartment in one shot. I have to clean a couple of areas one weekend and the rest on the next weekend so that by the time the week is done what I had previously cleaned is already all messed up!! Having two small kids that toss stuff around just for the sake of tossing stuff around does not help the cause. I cant wait to be able to live somewhere where I have my own washer and dryer so I can do laundry at anytime I want and I dont have to worry about having to save my loonies and quarters. Yes, this would definetly be a greatly appreciated gift. I know this isn't the kind of thing you would find on a normal wishlist but when you lead the kind of life I do I would sacrifice a new pair of shoes for this! Blasphemous...I know!

Sexy? What's That?

2009-11-12T10:51:00.000-05:00

For a long time now I can honestly say that I've just completely given up on myself, my appearance, my ego. It has been over a year since I've had a haircut, I barely have the time to wash and style my hair. It's always up in the same tired twist or bun. I've gained so much weight all my old clothes stopped fitting me and its just depressing having to buy clothes in the double digits now. Having to get dressed to leave my house is a nightmare I have to relive everyday, its torture for me. My eyebrows look like caterpillars on my face because I don't have the time to do them myself or the money to go get them done. I haven't had a pedicure and manicure since the summer. I hate catching my reflection anywhere, it makes me cringe. I'm so homely looking it's embarrassing. The only person that can change that is me. The only one with the capability to give my self-esteem the boost it so eagerly needs is me! I have to be a little selfish and take care of myself. Make myself presentable to the world and most importantly to me. I want to be able to look in the mirror and not cringe away or feel ashamed of what I've let myself become. I'll start by writing down all the positive changes I want to see in myself and then priorotise them...perhaps it'll be a future post. We'll see.

12 Days of Christmas

2009-11-10T11:56:00.001-05:00

Day #11:

I love to read so this is something that I've been itching to get for a long time now. The Reader Touch Edition-PRS600R. I love books and nothing can compare to the feel of actually holding and flipping the pages of one but when you travel around on public transportation a novel isnt the lightest thing to lug around in your purse and it takes up alot of space in there. Another reason I want this is because that way I can keep my books in good condition rather then have my little one get to them and turn them into her personal activity books, as much as I love watching her creativity grow I would prefer she didn't do it in the pages of my favourite books.

I love the touch screen on this one, much better then The Pocket Reader Edition-PRS300R. You can access up to 350 (or more with memory expansion card slots) of your favorite books from anywhere. The intuitive 6" touchscreen display makes navigation a breeze, letting you turn pages with the swipe of a finger. An included stylus offers freehand highlighting and annotation. With support for multiple file formats including ePub and PDF, you can enjoy books from more places, including The eBook Store from Sony and over half a million free public domain titles from Google.

What A Woman Should Have

2009-11-09T13:14:00.001-05:00

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

enough money within her control to move out

and rent a place of her own,

even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

something perfect to wear if the employer,

or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

a youth she's content to leave behind...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to

retelling in her old age...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

one friend who always makes her laugh...and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,

and a recipe for a meal,

that will make her guests feel honoed...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to quit a job,

break up with a lover,

and confront a friend without;

ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

when to try harder...and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that she can't change the length of her calves,

the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to live alone...even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

whom she can trust,

whom she can't,

and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

where to go...

be it her best friend's kitchen table...

or a charming inn in the woods...

when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she can and can't accomplish in a day...

a month...a year...

~~*~~

Woman Work by Maya Angelou

2009-11-09T12:46:00.003-05:00

I've got the children to tend

The clothes to mend

The floor to mop

The food to shop

Then the chicken to fry

The baby to dry

I got company to feed

The garden to weed

I've got shirts to press

The tots to dress

The can to be cut

I gotta clean up this hut

Then see about the sick

And the cotton to pick.

Shine on me, sunshine

Rain on me, rain

Fall softly, dewdrops

And cool my brow again.

Storm, blow me from here

With your fiercest wind

Let me float across the sky

'Til I can rest again.

Fall gently, snowflakes

Cover me with white

Cold icy kisses and

Let me rest tonight.

Sun, rain, curving sky

Mountain, oceans, leaf and stone

Star shine, moon glow

You're all that I can call my own.

Note: this goes out to all my hard working mothers out there. Thank you Ms. Angelou.

12 Days of Christmas

2009-11-09T11:13:00.003-05:00

Christmas is fast approaching and my wish list is growing. I miss shopping, I mean stupid shopping though. The kind of shopping where you just go from store to store and just spend, spend, spend. Nowadays I can't buy anything for myself without feeling a pang of guilt and end up putting everything back and walking out empty handed, whether it be at a store or online. Do you ever do that? Do you ever window shop online? You fill up your shopping cart with all the things you like, let that bill rack up and then when its time to checkout...WHOMP WHOMP. You press that big red 'x' at the top right hand corner. I've always found shopping to be therapeutic, helps me get my mind off of anything thats bothering me and it makes me feel good. It's my happy pill. So I will be putting up some of my "If I Had Money" christmas wish list items so I can have somewhere to just come back and stare at them *pause* *hangs head and walks away*

Day #12:

OK so I have some serious thunder thighs and am short but I can definetly picture these stretch-leather leggings by Kiki de Montparnasse with some sky-high hidden platform heels to add length to the legs and definition to the lower body. They go for a cool $850 at http://www.shopbop.com/ and its funny but I've never liked to buy leather clothing but this season I'm just lusting over so many leather items, most def a must have this season.

God Help The Outcasts

2009-11-02T16:43:00.000-05:00

Why do we do it? Why must we always want riches and fame, glory and power? We are never satisfied with what we have and the things we have accomplished. We are greedy beings, always wanting more and more...but I ask you why? Say you make $1 million in your lifetime, you know once you reach that you will want to double it. You get promoted at your job, you'll work towards another promotion to climb the ladder. You wear the latest fashion, you'll want next seasons trends and the next and the next. When was the last time you pushed yourself to be an all around better person towards your fellow man? All we want is more, more, more, for me, me, me. I grew up watching Disney movies and as I had this random thought go through my head this was the very first song i related to what I'm trying to put down into words here.

Depression in Women

2009-10-29T17:20:00.002-04:00

Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment

Depression is not "one size fits all," particularly when it comes to the genders. Not only are women more prone to depression than men, but the causes of female depression and even the pattern of symptoms are often different.Many factors contribute to the unique picture of depression in women-from reproductive hormones to social pressures to the female response to stress. Learning about these factors can help you minimize your risk of depression and treat it more.

Understanding depression in women

If you’re feeling sad, guilty, tired, and just generally “down in the dumps,” you may be suffering from major depression.

According to the Nathional Mental Health Association:

Approximately 12 million women in the United States experience clinical depression each year.
About one in every eight women can expect to develop clinical depression during their lifetime.

Signs and symptoms of depression in women

The symptoms of depression in women are the same as those for major depression. Common complaints include: Depressed mood Loss of interest or pleasure in activities you used to enjoy:

Feelings of guilt, hopelessness and worthlessness
Suicidal thoughts or recurrent thoughts of death
Sleep disturbance (sleeping more or sleeping less)
Appetite and weight changes
Difficulty concentrating
Lack of energy and fatigue

Differences between male and female depression

Although the signs and symptoms of depression are the same for both men and women, women tend to experience certain symptoms more often than men. For example, seasonal affective disorder—depression in the winter months due to lower levels of sunlight—is more common in women. Also, women are more likely to experience the symptoms of atypical depression.

In atypical depression, rather than sleeping less, eating less, and losing weight, the opposite is seen: sleeping excessively, eating more (especially carbohydrates), and gaining weight. Feelings of guilt associated with depression are also more prevalent and pronounced in women. Women also have a higher incidence of thyroid problems. Since hypothyroidism can cause depression, this medical problem should always be ruled out by a physician in women who are depressed.

On a personal note

I have gone through teen depression, post partum depression and have lived in what I would qualify as major depression for the past few years of my life. I have been called a drama queen, a baby, a whiner, bitter, angry, a bitch, etc. I have been told while dealing with post partum in a very messy relationship that I was using my daughter (2nd baby) as a crutch. While dealing with depression hearing all of the criticism and hurtful words being directed towards you or even an annoyed look is the equivalentof being kicked in the ribs while you have you face in the dirt. Not cool. Depression is something that I've been dealing with for so many years and have gone untreated for it as I refuse to become dependant of nay chemical drug, medicinal or not. I've seen what it has done to my mother and it has been anything but pleasent. Before my way of dealing with all of these intense emotions I was feeling as a youth I used to write alot. Alot of poetry, all very angry and depressive poems. That was my own support system for myself as I have parents that grew up in an era and a country where the term "depression" was not heard or known of. I went from a rebellious phase in my teen years where my relationship with my parents was anything but desirable and from that I went into a relationship with the father of my kids which looking at it now, being a more seasoned woman, I can say has been disastrous. But here we are, seperated, but insistent on trying to keep it together. I know its probably doing me more harm then good and perhaps that day will come where I can just let go but until then it just seems like I'm in a sink hole and am just watching myself sink bit by bit. It is my hope that in writing here on this blog a little lightbulb will suddenly go on that will allow me to gain control of my life in a way I never have. A way that will let me grow as a mother, a career woman, a student, a human being.

Where I'm From

2009-10-28T11:36:00.000-04:00

I miss my home, my family. I miss where I'm from. Sitting on my grandmother's front porch and watching people pass by to run their errands but they still take the time to yell out a hello or good afternoon, hearing the the sound of the horse drawn carriages and wagons as they approach, seeing people carousel a bike to get from point A to point B. I miss the breeze that hits your face when you sit in the shade of a tree. You can sit anywhere and people will always make it a point to at least give you a nod of the head. People in my town are known as the 'Come Mangos' translation 'Mango Eaters'. Mango trees line the streets and there are fields where mangoes grow as far as the eye could see. I have very fond childhood memories of climbing those trees and swinging from branch to branch in conquest of the biggest juiciest mango I could find.

I miss where I'm from. I miss the cobblestone streets, the colonial church in the centre of town. You can see the volcanoe so clear from the street of the millionaires. Sometimes it decides to hide behind clouds but its majestic base is still there, like a reminder to all of the sleeping giant that may awaken at any given moment. No matter how long you're away from your birthplace, how long its been since all your senses have been awaken by all the sounds and smells from that little piece of heaven, it will always be Home. You will always have the sense of belonging and familiarity. I miss it so much it hurts sometimes. Would you like to see where I'm from? It's one of the most beautiful places on Earth, it's my Home. Look:

Our church with its battle scars from a long war

San Juan del Sur

The entrance to the cemetery. Alot of historical figures are buried here.

The marketplace

Iglesia San Pedro after her facelift. Isn't she beautiful?

Iglesia San Francisco

The park located in the centre of town

Alot of homes are still riddled with bullet holes

Taxi bikes

The street of the millionaires

The giant stirs

Past the End of your Nose

2009-10-23T16:36:00.005-04:00

When was the last time you took in a landscape? I mean a REAL landscape? Everywhere we look all we see are buildings, people rushing and cars, buses, trucks, etc. zooming by us. People don't even look each other in the face anymore (unless its to screwface someone). We are so unaware of how beautiful this wonderful is, so unaware that we dont care or even think about how we're destroying it. The whole idea of being Eco friendly has just become yet another marketing agenda and another platform for political debate. It does not matter what your political stand, or religious beliefs are. Point of the matter is that we have ONE Earth, one HOME to leave behind to our children and our children's children. Let's look past the end of our noses, past the mad dashes to get from one place to the next and take in the beauty that is there...do you see it? Look a little further...here, let me show you:

We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children. ~ Native American Proverb

Fresh Start

2009-10-21T01:08:00.001-04:00

ok. so i've revamped my site in order to reflect where i'm at right now in my life. my link is still the same for it truly represents my mentality. there is in fact colour in a fenced in world. there is always hope within a linked fence, behind barb wires, behind brick walls...there are always those people that manage to make a difference in this world and break those barriers.

i will also be focusing alot more not just on the causes i believe in but also my own personal dreams and interests. living the life i do its not always easy to actually rev in these dreams. wether it be the car of my dreams, my dream home, dream career goals or even my dream pair of shoes that i would like to get. so this way i can take the time to rev in these dreams a little and vicariously live through this blog.

will the blog stay like this? i dont know. couldnt tell you. as i change i'm sure the style and content will change as well. so lets trip, get back up and just put a little dirt in those scrapes together.

The Potter

2009-10-20T17:00:00.000-04:00

Steady, steady, turns the wheel

Responding to the potter's feel.

Not a wobble left or right

The ball of clay remains quite tight.

A quiet rhythm the potter keeps

In quietness the clay ball sleeps.

Until the potter wets her hands

Aware of rhythm, speed and plans.

The potter sees in the lump of clay

A vase, a bowl, her hands just play.

They coax an edge that will slowly rise

What it will be is no surprise.

The potter senses , her hands feel,

The clay responds to speed of wheel.

Up, up it rises to desired height,

Oh, no, a bubble breaks into sight.

Am I the master the potter quips

And turns the wheel with a tighter grip.

And vows the vase to be the best.

She adjusts the speed, ignores the rest.

Moisture, clay, they're all just right,

This clay must surely stand the height.

It should respond to the master's plans

And rise with rhythm of wheel and hands.

The potter gives the wheel a spin

But the weakness is hidden deep within.

Not perfect! There's an inner flaw

Not even the one potter saw.

The vessel crumbles, it's once more clay

A lump of matter, so it will stay.

It has lost its spirit, so for today

It's just a pile of unwieldy clay.

The potter pops in in a pail

She knows the clay's form will prevail.

The potter cannot have her way.

Without the master it remains just clay.

The potter feels she has lost her touch.

She mumbles and frets and says as much.

How can mere clay so stubborn be?

I'm the creator; it must obey me.

But then the potter thinks of God

The freedom of living that is allowed.

The patient potter pulls away

She'll leave creation another day.

Go down to the Potter;his tender touch

Can mold, can heal, can change so much

Love Is Blind

2009-09-27T16:05:00.004-04:00

Whoever said that love is blind was holding all that's true;

I've never felt emotions that were more hurt or confused.

For him to take my loving heart and put it to the test;

He knew that I would choose what's right, but he felt it was best.

I stood there looking helplessly for some truth in his eyes,

I never thought that I would find regret from telling little lies.

To see the sorrow in those eyes just makes me want to die;

I said I forgave him, for I didn't have to try.

I could not get angry, could not scream or hit or hate;

I only felt so hollow, very numb and desolate.

I gave him my heart and soul, it was no sacrifice;

His kind words melted a lost heart that once was made of ice.

That's not to say there was no warmth beneath this cool facade,

However, holding back and keeping trust has led to my mirage.

I trusted him with who I was, my guard, at rest it laid;

I let him in to see the side that's never been displayed.

His tricking me to think my faith was safe within his claim,

Has only led to question if my judgment was to blame.

That is why I sit here now, my life I contemplate;

I've looked at love through eyes of blind, how could this be my fate?

Man Kumari's Story

2009-09-24T17:07:00.001-04:00

"They used to call me crazy."

And indeed she looked the part, when Man Kumari first arrived at Tansen Hospital in Nepal five years ago. As Manumit, the hospital's Director of Social Services describes it, her hair was matted and the sari she was wearing was filthy. Man Kumari refused to speak to anyone and her face was gaunt and thin from not eating. Even more worrisome was the fact that she was not permitting her one and a half year old son,, Santosh, to eat. Snatching food out of his hands, she would throw it out of his reach telling him that it was "poison". Man Kumari was severely depressed and not without reason.

She was the wife of a "Sarke" (or cobbler), a caste despised in Hindu society because of its work with cow hide. As her husband's income was not adequate to support his family, he went to India in search of work. While he was in India, Man Kumari became pregnant by another man. When her husband returned and found out, he threw her out of his home. The village of Pokhara Thok added its scorn and rejection to his barring her from the village. Man Kumari had little option but to beg for food wherever she could find it. And her life became even more difficult to her when Santosh wasborn.

The scenes of Man Kumari's first few injections for her depression are vividly recalled by Manumit. Permission from the Chief District Officer had to be obtained to administer her medication, as she would not willingly receive it. She screamed and struggled with hospital staff for more than half an hour before finally submitting. At the time of the next injetion there was another fifteen minute disturbance. Hospital staff were ready and waiting for her on the third occasion, but Man Kumari surprised them all by willingly baring her arm for her injection.

Man Kumari's treatment has been long-term and her steady recovery an encouragement to all of the staff who deal with her. "Ican do it," she says, as she works to prepare gauze pads in the Central Supply of the hospital. "They used to call me crazy." Her smile and her words reveal the confidence she has regained.

"She is a good worker and helpful," her supervisor says, with an obvious appreciation fo rher work. He goes on to share that Man Kumari has been pressing him for two more hours of work per day, which would enable her to cover the cost of food for her and Santosh, as well as contributing towards his school fees. "She is quite happy." The words her supervisor uses to describe Man Kumari, point to the inner healing and restoration that has taken place because of the care and compassion shown to her at Tansen Hospital. Treatment of the mentally ill is an integral part of the services of Tansen Hospital.

Janaka Devi's Story

2009-09-24T10:52:00.001-04:00

"I'll die. I'll die soon."

Janaka Devi (68) lived in the small village of Butar in eastern Nepal. She lived alone with her husband Kabil Man (75), now that their family of 3 boys and 4 girls had grown up. Kabil Man began to notice his wife's lack of appetite. She complained of pain in her abdomen; and there was some obvious swelling visible there as well. As was the custom of those in her village they first went to consult the local "dhami" (shaman). He took Janaka Devi's wrist to feel her pulse and he chanted. Then he "blew" on her and used his special knowledge of wild herbs to create a paste to rub on her stomach. Janaka Devi and Kabil Man did just as they were told and went to the temple to sacrifice a chicken. But all this seemed to do little good. And the swelling and discomfort in her abdomen kept increasing.

Her family and friends urged Janka Devi to go to the hospital in Rajbiraj. It was difficult for her even to go in and out of the house when she needed to, andthe hospital in Rajbiraj was 7 days away. The thought of such a long journey seemed daunting to Janaka. "No," she said, "I will not go that far." The next closest hospital was UMN's (United Mission to Nepal) hospital in Okhaldhunga, but that was 5 long days walk away. And where would they get the money they needed for the journey, when they could barely afford to feed themselves? Despite her not eating very much Janaka Devi was gaining weight and she looked more like pregnant woman each day.

Soon they were left with little choice. Janaka Devi and Kamil Man decided that they would go to the "mission hospital" in Okhaldhunga. Some men from their village had offered to help carry Janaka Devi and they wanted Rs. 800 ($16) for their work. Janaka Devi and Kamil Man estimated that they would require at least another Rs. 1200 ($24) to pay for the food and Janka's treatment. They scraped and borrowed and begged from family and friends until they had what they thought they needed, and they set out on the road that followed the Kosi River. The journey ahead was a long and difficult one for a couple of their age and they arrived at Okhaldhunga weary and exhausted.

To the doctors at Okhaldhunga Hospital, Janak Devi looked like a woman whose pregnancy was long overdue. Her uterus was prolapsed; and she complained of being incontinent for 2 years. An ultra-scan revealed a mass in her abdomen, extending from her pelvis to her chest, which the doctors knew would need surgical removal. But when they informed Janaka Devi of the cost that would be involved Rs. 1200 ($24) for the operation and another Rs. 5000 ($102) for the hospitalization, she cried because she knew that she did not have the money. "I'll die. I'll die soon," she sobbed as she went to prepare to return to her village. Kabil was frightened and did not want her to have the operation.

Seeing that her need was a genuine one, the staff of the hospital decided that Janaka Devi could be assisted financially by the Medical Assistance Fund, and they convinced her to stay on and have the operation. A very large ovarian cyst weighing 11kg (nearly 1/4 of her body weight) was successfully removed from her abdomen. Janaka Devi left a happy woman after a 20 day stay in Okhaldhunga Hospital, not to die but to be able to spend many more days enjoying her grandchildren.

Janaka Devi and Kabil Man after the surgery at Okhaldhunga Hospital

Jyoti's Story

2009-09-23T14:41:00.003-04:00

"It is safe to say that this baby would probably not have made it."

It was the morning after the delivery in the maternity ward at UMN's (United Mission to Nepal) Tansen Hospital in Palpa District of western Nepal. Jyoti sat upright in bed, her new baby girl nursing at her breast. Contentment was written all over her face. Her husband stood quietly by her side, as five year old Ganesh stole a look at his sister. The pedeatrician making rounds looked over her chart and examined the baby. She asked Jyoti how the baby had been feeding. Pleased with the mother's report and the results of her examination she turned aside to say, "It is safe to say that this baby would probably not have made it had Jyoti not come to the hospital."

After Ganesh there had been a miscarriage. And then came more disappointment when a still-born was delivered breech at home in the small mountain village of Sekadanda. Jyoti was afraid that the same thing would happen again, and she was not going to take any chances with this baby! At the first signs of labor she gathered her few belongings together for the journey to the hospital. She managed the 15 minute walk up the mountain to the road without much difficulty. But after 2 hours in the back seat of the bus that wound its way over the bumpy mountain road to Tansen, she was tired, sore and more than ready for the hospital bed to which she was admitted.

The ultra-sound revealed that the baby was presenting breech which the doctor's examination confirmed. Preparations were then made so that when it came time for Jyoti to deliver, they were ready for her. The delivery proceeded without any complications. Later the same day she was able to return home to Sekadanda with her new daughter.

But Jyoti's story might not have had this happy ending. Women like Jyoti are often left alone with the cattle in the stable when it is time to give birth in Nepal, as they are considered unclean and untouchable at the time. The instrument used to cut the cord is often the same sickle used to cut grass for the cattle. These circumstances are less then ideal even for a normal delivery!

Lowering the high infant mortality rate of 102 per 1000 live births continues to be a primary focus of health efforts in the country of Nepal. During the last year there were 168 complicated deliveries out of a total of 549 deliveries at Tansen Hospital. Diagnostic ultra-sound is being used with increasing effectiveness in cases such as Jyoti's. Close cooperation exists between the hospital and the Palpa Community Health Project, which has made extensive use of the "family folder" in its activities. Pregnancies are tracked carefully through Maternal Child Health activities, and pregnant mothers who are considered to be at risk are referred to the hospital for further follow-up. An annual household survey which has been conducted for the last eight years indicates a significant decline in the infant and child mortality rates within the project area to less than 30 per 1000 live births.

For those desperately poor people, who like Jyoti cannot afford medical care, UMN provides financial assistance. Jyoti's husband was asked to pay 150 Rupees ($3) as he owns no land and has work only when it is available. What they did not know was that the true cost of the care provided was 300 Rupees ($6), the difference being made up by the Medical Assistance Fund. Each year UMN seeks to help the sick and needy like Jyoti who are unable to cover the cost of their treatment.

Jyoti holding her beautiful baby girl

MANIFESTO

2009-08-28T10:30:00.002-04:00

MANIFESTO returns for their Third Annual Festival of Community & Culture from September 16th – 20th! Toronto will host events around the city with live musical performances, art exhibitions, a film festival, a professional breakdance competition, workshops, an artists’ market and a massive after party showcasing local, national and international artists in the hip hop community.

1 LOVE T.O. will be participating in the “Freshest Goods Market”, so please come and visit our booth and pick up a T-shirt while you’re there!

Check out some of the highlights from last year in the video below.

Manifesto '08 Recap from themanifesto.ca on Vimeo.

Via: 1 LOVE T.O.

The Aftermath

2009-08-21T15:30:00.000-04:00

The Storm

2009-08-21T13:52:00.001-04:00

A reflection on the storm of August 20, 2009
by Bryan Espiritu

The sky lowered by floors and floors, nearly touching the lake water and shortening the fall for each sheet of rain that flew sideways and downward towards the surface of the water and the street. The sound of windows quickly sliding, slamming and clicking shut made drums in the intermissions of rumbling skies, so dark you couldn’t estimate the time of day, or night. Flat portions of sidewalk squares turned to rivers and even entirely wet with rain, pedestrians jumped to dodge the flushing waters that hurdled over everything in the streets. Windows shut became our shields. The screens became our screens; the lightening, our projectors. Slowly, the cinema unfolded and the scenes rapidly replayed across the glass. The clouds so heavy with anger their colour darkened beyond the exhausts of their foes. Exhausted with fear, we clutched to our phones, relying on our sense of attachment to one another to feel safe. The black turned orange. The orange turned yellow. And we waited for it to turn white. To turn light. So we could stop thinking about God and the frights that filled us like Arks of times once past. In 2 days the projected forecast would be clear and sunny. No chance of rain. And we would forget how we clutched to our imaginary friends in vain like our interwound web was no more than a trap. The thunder applauded our bravery. Clap. And each thought we had to reflect on our unsavory actions would wash away as quickly as the passing storm.
It was entirely natural, but certainly not the norm. So far from it in fact that the elderly dawned faces that they had never expressed in decades past – faces of disbelief, dread, and lastly, calm.

The glow of the aftermath did not equate that we had come to a solution, nor found a heaven. Yet we basked in the yellowish glare as if to work on our tans. To better our looks, but not our views. We were thankful that we had not shipped, sunk, like animals paddling through waters in twos. And the orange sky burned through our panes as if to tell us that the tone of our lives was not our choice. Please give us a rainbow. Like with a child’s voice asking for something colourful to deter this dark. The scrapes that had covered with blood, our knees, as Mother Nature stared on in disbelief. Honest relief with no ark, no ark. Fear covered in the shelter of a heart.

We’d need another ‘fore the foolish became the smart.

Welcome To TheLegendsLeague.

Forecast

2009-08-13T15:46:00.003-04:00

the forecast for today is humiliation mixed with suffering and heavy tears
run home you hoe with lipstick smeared
in his lap and around his groin
all for a couple of coins
on your face is your disgrace
when his manhood he made you taste

the forecast for today is tyranny with chances of promises to be free
now work my land you worthless dog
call me masa! i am your GOD!
send your wife and daughter to my bed
i will reward you with some bread

Unfinished....

I've had this partial poem in my drafts for a really long time now and have been unable to finish it. Writer's block is a bitch -_-

Embrace

2009-08-12T12:39:00.005-04:00

There is much to be said about a simple embrace, so much that it just loses its simplicity! As i went outside for a little stretch at work I saw a lady hugging what looked like her grandson or son (some women just wait too damn long to start poppin them kids out, u hear me?). They were too far for me to tell but it looked like she was crying, she wasn't crying before they hugged, she started crying once they embraced. So as I stood there watching this (yea yea, I need to mind my bizzness) I started thinking of all the times that has happened to me. You know those times where you're hard fighting to keep those tears back but as soon as someone comes in for the hug and you feel those arms around u and that chest to chest, or head to chest i guess depending how short you are (second one applies better to me) you just let go? Cant hold back. Its such a sense of release.

To think that there are people in this world that cant experience this simple, yet complex exchange of human contact. There are children out there that will never experience the embrace of a mother, father or sibling. People that only experience a touch through violence and pain.

Just food for thought.

Child Soldiers

2009-07-30T10:00:00.007-04:00

"I would like you to give a message. Please do your best to tell the world what is happening to us, the children. So that other children don't have to pass through this violence."

The 15-year-old girl who ended an interview to Amnesty International with this plea was forcibly abducted at night from her home by the Lord's Resistance Army (LRA), an armed opposition movement fighting the Ugandan Government. She was made to kill a boy who tried to escape. She saw another boy being hacked to death for not raising the alarm when a friend ran away. She was beaten when she dropped a water container and ran for cover under gunfire. She received 35 days of military training and was sent to fight the government army.

The use of children as soldiers has been universally condemned as abhorrent and unacceptable. Yet over the last ten years hundreds of thousands of children have fought and died in conflicts around the world.

Children involved in armed conflict are frequently killed or injured during combat or while carrying out other tasks. They are forced to engage in hazardous activities such as laying mines or explosives, as well as using weapons. Child soldiers are usually forced to live under harsh conditions with insufficient food and little or no access to health care. They are almost always treated brutally, subjected to beatings and humiliating treatment. Punishments for mistakes or desertion are often very severe. Girl soldiers are particularly at risk of rape, sexual harassment and abuse as well as being involved in combat and other tasks.

Why Children Join

Children are forcibly recruited into armed groups in many conflicts but the vast majority of child soldiers are adolescents between the age of 14 and 18 who "volunteer" to join up. However, research has shown that a number of factors may be involved in making the decision to actually join an armed conflict and in reality many such adolescents see few alternatives to enlisting. War itself is a major determinant. Economic, social, community and family structures are frequently ravaged by armed conflict and joining the ranks of the fighters is often the only means of survival. Many youths have reported that desire to avenge the killing of relatives or other violence arising from war is an important motive.

Poverty and lack of access to educational or work opportunities are additional factors - with joining up often holding out either the promise or the reality of an income or a means of getting one. Coupled with this may be a desire for power, status or social recognition. Family and peer pressure to join up for ideological or political reasons or to honour family tradition may also be motivating factors. Girl soldiers have reported joining up to escape domestic servitude or enforced marriage or get away from domestic violence, exploitation and abuse.

Some Facts

The problem is most critical in Africa, where children as young as nine have been involved in armed conflicts. Children are also used as soldiers in various Asian countries and in parts of Latin America, Europe and the Middle East.
The majority of the world's child soldiers are involved in a variety of armed political groups. These include government-backed paramilitary groups, militias and self-defence units operating in many conflict zones. Others include armed groups opposed to central government rule, groups composed of ethnic religious and other minorities and clan-based or factional groups fighting governments and each other to defend territory and resources.
Most child soldiers are aged between 14 and 18. While many enlist "voluntarily" research shows that such adolescents see few alternatives to involvement in armed conflict. Some enlist as a means of survival in war-torn regions after family, social and economic structures collapse or after seeing family members tortured or killed by government forces or armed groups. Others join up because of poverty and lack of work or educational opportunities. Many girls have reported enlisting to escape domestic servitude, violence and sexual abuse.
Forcible abductions, sometimes of large numbers of children, continue to occur in some countries. Children as young as nine have been abducted and used in combat.
Demobilization, disarmament and reintegration (DDR) programs specifically aimed at child soldiers have been established in many countries, both during and after armed conflict and have assisted former child soldiers to acquire new skills and return to their communities. However, the programs lack funds and adequate resources. Sustained long-term investment is needed if they are to be effective.
Despite growing recognition of girls' involvement in armed conflict, girls are often deliberately or inadvertently excluded from DDR programs. Girl soldiers are frequently subject to rape and other forms of sexual violence as well as being involved in combat and other roles. In some cases they are stigmatized by their home communities when they return. DDR programs should be sensitively constructed and designed to respond to the needs of girl soldiers.

Voices of Young Soldiers
Africa
Central Africa
"I feel so bad about the things that I did. It disturbs me so much that I inflicted death on other people. When I go home I must do some traditional rites because I have killed. I must perform these rites and cleanse myself. I still dream about the boy from my village that I killed. I see him in my dreams, and he is talking to me, saying I killed him for nothing, and I am crying." A 16-year-old girl after demobilization from an armed group (Source: U.S. State Dept. TIP Report 2005)
Democratic Republic of the Congo
"When they came to my village, they asked my older brother whether he was ready to join the militia. He was just 17 and he said no; they shot him in the head. Then they asked me if I was ready to sign, so what could I do - I didn't want to die." A former child soldier taken when he was 13. (BBC report.)

"They gave me a uniform and told me that now I was in the army. They even gave me a new name: 'Pisco' They said that they would come back and kill my parents if I didn't do as they said." Report of interview with a 17 year old former child soldier in 2006

"Being new, I couldn't perform the very difficult exercises properly and so I was beaten every morning. Two of my friends in the camp died because of the beatings. The soldiers buried them in the latrines. I am still thinking of them". Former child soldier interviewed in 2002.
Sudan
"I joined the SPLA when I was 13. I am from Bahr Al Ghazal . They demobilized me in 2001 and took me to Rumbek, but I was given no demobilization documents. Now, I am stuck here because my family was killed in a government attack and because the SPLA would re-recruit me. At times I wonder why I am not going back to SPLA, half of my friends have and they seem to be better off than me." Boy interviewed by Coalition staff, southern Sudan, February 2004.
Uganda
"Early on when my brothers and I were captured, the LRA [Lord's Resistance Army] explained to us that all five brothers couldn´t serve in the LRA because we would not perform well. So they tied up my two younger brothers and invited us to watch. Then they beat them with sticks until two of them died. They told us it would give us strength to fight. My youngest brother was nine years old." Former child soldier, aged 13.
Zimbabwe
"There was no one in charge of the dormitories and on a nightly basis we were raped. The men and youths would come into our dormitory in the dark, and they would just rape us - you would just have a man on top of you, and you could not even see who it was. If we cried afterwards, we were beaten with hosepipes. We were so scared that we did not report the rapes The youngest girl in our group was aged 11 and she was raped repeatedly in the base." 19-year-old girl describing her experience in the National Youth Service Training Program.
Asia/Pacific
India
"He had to run away to a forest with his friend to join the underground. He was 14 when he first held a gun in his hands. He said he loves to go to school but for the poverty of his family he has to lift a gun. Now he is earning enough money with the help of the gun for himself and send money for his family also." Report of interview with 16-year-old boy, northeast India, 2004.
Indonesia, Nanggroe Aceh Darussalam province (Aceh)
"I know the work [monitoring the apparatus] is dangerous, and my parents had tried to stop me from getting involved. But I want to do something for the nanggroe therefore I was called for the fight. I am ready for all risks" Boy interviewed in March 2004: worked as an informant for the armed political group Free Aceh Movement, to spy on the Indonesian military when he was 17 years old.
Myanmar (Burma)
“They filled the forms and asked my age, and when I said 16, I was slapped and he said, ‘You are 18. Answer 18’ He asked me again and I said, ‘But that’s my true age’. The sergeant asked, ‘Then why did you enlist in the army?” I said, ‘Against my will. I was captured.’ He said, ‘Okay, keep your mouth shut then,’ and he filled in the form. I just wanted to go back home and I told them, but they refused. I said, ‘Then please just let me make one phone call’ but they refused that too.” Maung Zaw Oo, describing the second time he was forced into the Tatmadaw Kyi (army) in 2005
Sri Lanka
"I ran away (to join an armed group) to escape a marriage I didn't like". Girl soldier in Sri Lanka.
Europe
Chechen Republic of the Russian Federation
"Russia has turned us into cattle. It is driving our youth into the arms of whoever comes along first and says 'Go with us'." Mother in Chechnya.
Latin America
Colombia
"They give you a gun and you have to kill the best friend you have. They do it to see if they can trust you. If you don't kill him, your friend will be ordered to kill you. I had to do it because otherwise I would have been killed. That's why I got out. I couldn't stand it any longer." 17-year-old boy, joined paramilitary group aged 7, when a street child.

"I joined the guerrilla to escape ... I thought I'd get some money and could be independent". 17-year-old girl soldier with the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, interviewed in 2002.
Middle East and North Africa
Iraq
"I joined the Mahdi army to fight the Americans. Last night I fired a rocket-propelled grenade against a tank" A 12 year-old boy in Najaf, 2004.
Israel/Occupied Palestinian Territories
"I was detained on 18 March 2003... We are in a very small room with 11 people... We are allowed to use the bathroom only three times a day at specific times. Once a week we are allowed to take a 30-minute recess. The prison guards force us into shabeh position: they tie our hands up and one leg and then we have to face the wall." 15-year-old boy arrested by Israeli forces, reporting on detention conditions in an Israeli settlement outside Ramallah, April 2003.

Sleeping Quarters of Child Soldiers in Uganda

The Rescue of Joseph Kony's Child Soldiers

Terres des Hommes - Poster

Fairy of Child Soldiers and Children Who Die at War

Pros and cons

2009-06-25T13:24:00.004-04:00

You know I keep thinking of pros and cons as to wether I want Him to move back in with me or not but the fact that im so indecisive about it and have to keep going back and forth from yest o no makes me really weary. I dont mind being on my own with the kids. Of course i lose it sometimes and can definetly use the help but for the most part I always get a feeling that I won't be getting much help once hes back anyways. It'll go back to being the exact same as it was before...me being home alone dealing with the girls come time for them to eat, bathe and go to sleep. He'll be out trying to make a buck, come home and do whatever hes going to do for a bit then we go to bed. Very dull.

I dont want to have to deal with anybody elses bad moods and tantrums, I have enough trouble dealing with my own. Dont want to have to worry about keeping something off the floor or washing dishes if I dont want to just because I'm worried that the other person is going to criticise me for it or even worry about what he might think. If I clean I clean, if I dont I dont.

Feeling Like the Biggest Let Down

2009-05-30T02:45:00.001-04:00

So I'm laying here feeling like the biggest piece of shit for a mother. I'm always talking about how I feel like my kids are on loan to me and my biggest fear is that they will be taken away from me very suddenly but reflecting on how I treat them sometimes you would think they are more of an annoyance, inconvenience...especially my oldest.

I'm crying writing this right now...I love her so much...been through so much since the moment I found out I was going to have her. I need to apologize to my daughter for the way I act towards her sometimes and the way I speak to her...

I can't keep writing anymore...
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

Beauty

2009-05-05T11:49:00.015-04:00

Considering that just about everything i write about is all sadness and gloom and how horrible this world is i figured I would take the time to show you just how beautiful it can be as well. Within all the violence, all the injustice and inequity that happens each and everyday we fail to see past the end of our noses at the most beautiful thing that surrounds us all. NATURE.

Nature has a way of captivating just about anyone. The colours, the light, the sounds...the sense of peace one sunset can bring. The way a bird's song can make you forget, even if it is for just a second, whatever you're going through at that point and time. The world around us is one big canvas and there is no better artist then the hand that made it all. Wether you're a painter, a musician or a poet. A muse that all artists have in common is Mother Nature herself. Close your eyes and you can hear her, visualise her, feel her.

Her moods are just as tangled as yours. One minute she is experiencing pure bliss, the next she can be as glum and sad as you and that can suddenly turn into a vicious lash of wind and fury.

Here are some pictures of my favourite season in my favourite city. I love Toronto.

An Improvisation On The Canon (Bonus Track) - Robin Spielberg

A Canon piece seemed suitable for the mood I was in walking around High Park seeing the rays of the setting sun seep through coulours of white, green, yellow and leaving its trail of gold on the face of the serene lake like a bride with her veil trailing behind her.

Invisible Children

2009-04-28T10:34:00.006-04:00

How do u know?

2009-04-17T23:22:00.001-04:00

How do u know when its time to let go of someone? Or I guess the first question would be HOW do u let go? Especially when u know that they're like a sweet, thick venom that lures u and quenches ur needs...but is a venom nonetheless.
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

2008-12-09T12:35:00.007-05:00

pain pain go away

stay away another day

let me live and let me pray

pain pain go away.

pain pain stay at bay

i cant live my life this way

u lead me to go astray

pain pain stay at bay.

tears tears stop your flow

to my dreams i want to go

i cant do this anymore

tears tears stop your flow.

love love dont come back

you cant cut me any slack

everything is tit for tat

love love dont come back.

heart heart where are you?

let me give you what you're due

boiling in this bitter stew

heart heart where are you?

rage rage stay in me

so that pain i cannot see

and these tears will let me be

rage rage stay with me.

I write in verses

I write in rhymes

All to make me feel sublime

All to kill the passing time.

Sleep sleep finally

take me where I long to be

in your peaceful company

where I can spend eternity.

Child Sex Tourism

2008-11-28T14:49:00.005-05:00

"On this trip, I've had sex with a 14 year-old girl in Mexico and a 15 year-old in Colombia. I'm helping them financially. If they don't have sex with me, they may not have enough food. If someone has a problem with me doing this, let UNICEF feed them."
-Retired U.S. Schoolteacher

"Maria is . . . prostituted by her aunt. Maria is obliged to sell her body exclusively to foreign tourists in Costa Rica, she only works mornings as she has to attend school in the afternoon. Maria is in fifth grade."

The international tourism industry is booming. Since the 1960's, international travel has increased seven-fold. As tourists eagerly travel to distant lands to enjoy new landscapes and cultures, economically developing countries have welcomed the expansion of the international tourism industry as a much-needed source of income within their own nations. With the exponential rise in this industry, however, comes the growth of a darker, more clandestine phenomenon: child sex tourism.

Background

Sex tourism is a very lucrative industry that spans the globe. In 1998, the International Labour Organization reported its calculations that 2-14% of the gross domestic product of Indonesia, Malaysia, the Phillipines, and Thailand derives from sex tourism. In addition, while Asian countries, including Thailand, India, and the Phillipines, have long been prime destinations for child-sex tourists, in recent years, tourists have increasingly traveled to Mexico and Central America for their sexual exploits as well.Child sex tourists are individuals that travel to foreign countries to engage in sexual activity with children. The non-profit organization End Child Prostitution, Child Pornography, and the Trafficking of Children (ECPAT) estimates that more than one million children worldwide are drawn into the sex trade each year.

Factors Supporting the Child Sex Trade

The most significant societal factor that pushes children into prostitution is poverty. Many nations with thriving sex tourism industries are nations that suffer from widespread poverty resulting from turbulent politics and unstable economies. Poverty often correlates with illiteracy, limited employment opportunities, and bleak financial circumstances for families. Children in these families become easy targets for procurement agents in search of young children. They are lured away from broken homes by "recruiters" who promise them jobs in a city and then force the children into prostitution. Some poor families themselves prostitute their children or sell their children into the sex trade to obtain desperately needed money. Gender discrimination also works in tandem with poverty; in many countries, female children have fewer educational opportunities or prospects for substantial employment. Consequently, they must find other means of earning a living.
The Internet has also facilitated the recent rise in child sex tourism by providing a convenient marketing channel. Websites provide potential child sex tourists with pornographic accounts written by other child sex tourists. These websites detail sexual exploits with children and supply information on sex establishments and prices in various destinations, including information on how to specifically procure child prostitutes. Additionally, sex tour travel agents may publish brochures and guides on the Internet that cater to child sex tourists. In 1995, there were over twenty-five businesses in the United States that offered and arranged sex tours. One particular website promised nights of sex "with two young Thai girls for the price of a tank of gas." The easy availability of this information on the Internet generates interest in child sex tourism and facilitates child sex abusers in making their travel plans.
Finally, actions by foreign governments may directly or indirectly encourage child sex tourism. National governments in countries which are struggling economically have become increasingly tourist-oriented in their search for profitable sources of income. These governments sometimes turn a blind eye to the sex tourism industry, thus allowing the industry to perpetuate sexual exploitation upon children in order to encourage tourism in their country in general.

Victims of Child Sex Tourism

Child sex tourism makes its profits from the exploitation of child prostitutes in developing countries. Many children are trafficked into the sex trade. In Thailand, for example, Burmese girls as young as thirteen are illegally trafficked across the border by recruiters and sold to brothel owners.
The lives of child prostitutes are almost too appalling to confront. Studies indicate that child prostitutes serve between two and thirty clients per week, leading to a shocking estimated base of anywhere between 100 to 1500 clients per year, per child. Younger children, many below the age of 10, have been increasingly drawn into serving tourists.
Child prostitutes live in constant fear; they live in fear of sadistic acts by clients, fear of being beaten by pimps who control the sex trade, and fear of being apprehended by the police. It comes as no surprise that victims often suffer from depression, low self-esteem, and feelings of hopelessness.
Many victims of child sexual exploitation also suffer from physical ailments, including tuberculosis, exhaustion, infections, and physical injuries resulting from violence inflicted upon them. Venereal diseases run rampant among these children and they rarely receive medical treatment until they are seriously or terminally ill. Living conditions are poor and meals are inadequate and irregular. Many children that fail to earn enough money are punished severely, often through beatings and starvation. Sadly, drug use and suicide are all too common for victims of child sexual exploitation.

Child Sex Tourists

Child sex tourists are typically males and come from all income brackets. Perpetrators usually hail from nations in Western European nations and North America.
While some tourists are pedophiles that preferentially seek out children for sexual relationships, many child sex tourists are "situational abusers." These are individuals who do not consistently seek out children as sexual partners, but who do occasionally engage in sexual acts with children when the opportunity presents itself.
The distorted and disheartening rationales for child sex tourism are numerous. Some perpetrators rationalize their sexual encounters with children with the idea that they are helping the children financially better themselves and their families. Paying a child for his or her services allows a tourist to avoid guilt by convincing himself he is helping the child and the child's family to escape economic hardship. Others try to justify their behavior by believing that children in foreign countries are less "sexually inhibited" and by believing their destination country does not have the same social taboos against having sex with children. Still other perpetrators are drawn towards child sex while abroad because they enjoy the anonymity that comes with being in a foreign land. This anonymity provides the child sex tourist with freedom from the moral restraints that govern behavior in his home country. Consequently, some tourists feel that they can discard their moral values when traveling and avoid accountability for their behavior and its consequences. Finally, some sex tourists are fueled by racism and view the welfare of children of third world countries as unimportant.

It Shouldn't Hurt To Be A Child.

Daddy

2008-11-03T20:32:00.001-05:00

why does He leave me alone at times of need?

doesn't He realise that His words of comfort are what i heed?

claims to love me, claims to help me,

so why is it that He summits me to such cruelty?

I'm His child, I'm His image,

so why does He allow so much damage?

i get angry, i get scared,

my hair, my flesh i want to tear.

I'm to be kept in this cage for days to come

i swear to u that's carved in stone.

unhappiness and anger are my destiny

enveloped by my only comfort; insanity

the voices of lost souls envelope me

they yell and scream such atrocities.

they tell me of things to come and things to be,

they foul everything dear to me.

they laugh and chant my name

they put my soul to shame.

so alone, so confused,

I'm just a bomb to be diffused.

i hear the tolling of the requiem bell

come sweet death and show me hell.

it is to be my paradise

He has set me up for this demise.

My Love Chapter

2008-11-02T01:13:00.004-04:00

you know its been said time and time again,
where there is no love there is no gain.
but i now ask where is the gain in love if all it does is hurt you?
to all its games and treacheries you're expected to subdue.
u have to worry of fidelity and sincerity and lust,
while your own heart remains in the quenching, tired dust.
kicked around by passers by, spit on , stepped on, mocked
if your love is not corresponded then u're just really fucked.
u cry and think of things that could be,
find urself in turmoil wanting to scream like a banshee.
so i ask you again what is there to gain in love?
u realise the greatness of it when push comes to shove.
amazed at how a moment of happiness can fade out the rest
how your sanity and stability was put to the test.
self torture and destruction seems to be the lovers path
how many years it takes away from us...you do the math.
the bittersweet taste seems too familiar to turn away
once its there...seems its there to stay.
i find it so sad how one kiss or one touch can impurify the purest of pure
for the pain of betrayal there is no found cure.
the pain you will carry until ur final breath leaves
its not until then my friend u will find ur release.

Child Labour

2008-11-01T19:22:00.007-04:00

Child labor may well be morally repugnant but economists go beyond this and rationally argue for policies that will help children. Traditional arguments based on perfect competition are unhelpful and even suggest child labor may be a good thing. The argument is made persuasively in Krugman’s “In Praise of Cheap Labor”. Legislating higher wages for some group will quite likely reduce overall employment and make workers as a class worse off. Banning child labor may force children away from legitimate work to work that is off the books and not necessarily legal. Given that the sex trade is highly profitable and illegal it is easy to imagine this may well make children far worse off.

However, there is a tight rational argument provided by Kaushik Basu to support the moral indignation many of us feel. The key to the argument is the bond between parent and child. Parents will not necessarily do what is in their best interest because they are altruistic and put the interests of the children first. The second key to the argument is that as children are sent to school rather than work the wages of adults increase. These two create the potential for multiple equilibria. If all children work, then adult wages will be low and adults may well need to send the children to work to survive. However, if all children go to school then adult wages are higher and it may be that now the family can survive and send the children to school. If this is possible, it is what parents will choose because we assumed they are altruistic.

The next time when you are out on your shopping trip, chances you may have support a business that exploits children. It is very disturbing and heartbreaking to learn many children are chained to looms for 12 hours a day because families need to have their child bringing home a small amount of moneys. Child labor has always been a difficult subject to address, the topic have become much more complicated and prolific. Child Labor is not an isolated problem. The phenomenon of child labor is an effect of economic discrimination. In different parts of the world, at different stages of histories, laboring of child has been a part of economic life. More than 200 million children worldwide, some are as young as 4 and 5 years old, are slaves to the production line. These unfortunate children manufacture shoes, matches, clothing, rugs and countless other products that are flooding the American market and driving hard-working Americans out of jobs. These children worked long hours, were frequently beaten, and were paid a pittance.

How you like them Nikes now?

When did children become commodities?

2008-11-01T00:02:00.007-04:00

Recently I went to see a docu drama done by a bunch of students at MPSJ, my little sister participated in it, for Free The Children. I should have written this the very same night I saw it considering the impact it made on me and I'm sure the majority of the people sitting in that auditorium. My next few posts will be dedicated to those that have no voice, no rights, no say about their futures, their lives, their destiny.

Some of the images and facts that I will post will be disturbing but it's the cruel reality. I feel like I need to explain why I am doing this. It might seem hypocritical for some because me writing these posts doesnt necessarily mean that I am giving the $1/day to feed a child, or that I am volunteering my time to go and lay down a foundation to build a new school or new health centre. Dont get me wrong...I would love nothing more....and as stupid as it seems saying this, especially after seeing some of the things I've seen, I can't. We are so accustomed to our way of life that we are not willing to sacrifice some of what we have for someone that needs it more.

In writing these posts I am hoping to inspire even if it is ONE person to go out and do something meaningful and possibly life altering for someone else and for themselves. We forget the selfish self satisfaction we feel after performing good deeds. It would be nice if we could do a selfless act of kindness and not get gassed by the kudos and praises you will receive for what you've done.

Free The Children was founded by 12-year-old Craig Kielburger in 1995 when he gathered 11 school friends to begin fighting child labour.
In April 1995, looking for the comics section of his local newspaper, 12-year-old Craig Kielburger came across an article which forever changed his life. The piece featured the photo of a boy in a bright red vest, his fist clenched defiantly in the air, Intrigued, Craig read the story of Iqbal Masih, a young boy from Pakistan, who was sold into slavery to work in a carpet factory.

Iqbal worked 12 hours a day, six days a week, tying tiny knots to make hand-made carpets for export. Through luck and bravery, he managed to escape from his life of captivity and began speaking out about children's rights; educating eager listeners about child labour. Tragically, after reuniting with his family, Iqbal was shot and killed by those who wished to silence him. Iqbal lost his life for defending the rights of children.

Before he read Iqbal's story, Craig had never heard of child labour. He wasn't even certain where Pakistan was, but the differences between his life and that of Iqbal shocked him. Craig knew that he had to help. He gathered together a small group of his Grade 7 classmates and Free The Children was born.

The following year, in an attempt to focus the world's attention on the epidemic of global child rights abuses, Craig embarked on an ambitious fact-finding mission to South Asia. In a press conference held in Delhi, India, Craig challenged the world to take notice of the stories and voices of child labourers everywhere. The media buzz that ensued brought the issue of child labour to the forefront of global debate. Craig's journey, sparked by Iqbal's heroic tale, proved that young people have the power to make a difference in the world.

Today, Free The Children is a children's charity unlike any other in the world. It is an organization funded and driven by the energy of young leaders and adult supporters. In a cooperative effort, we are changing the world.

So you see, it took one life to change over a million. So like the day that Craig looked for the funnies in the paper maybe someone will stumble on this and make a difference in this shitty world we live in.

Predicament

2008-10-27T17:53:00.002-04:00

Ummm, like crack...yea, bad idea. Just say no.

PMS?

2008-10-25T12:05:00.007-04:00

OK so today I am having a really hard time dealing with my baby weight. I want it to go away! Everyone tells me that the only way that it will go away is if I work out.....my question to them is...WITH WHAT FUCKEN TIME!!!! Everyone thinks they're a fucken super genius and have an answer for everything, they like to think that they have the simplest solution to all my "bullshit" problems. As if they are the ones dealing with my day to day strife. So why is it that when I reach out for some help so that I can have some ME time, some SANE time, everyone runs for the hills or pulls something they have to do out of their gaping assholes?!?!

So to everyone that thinks that I have all the time in the world, or that I overreact over shit, or tells me that having no life is the price i have to pay for having kids, or those of you that think that I gotta strap my kids on me to go anywhere or do anything. All you motherfuckers that think that I have no reason to stress and be as miserable and fucken sour as I am:

FUCK YOU!!!!!

Jealousy

2008-10-23T20:04:00.002-04:00

Does jealousy fuel distrust or does distrust fuel jealousy?

Now What?

2008-10-19T23:08:00.006-04:00

OK so its been a couple of weeks now since Ray moved out. I've been so sleep deprived I've lost track of how much time has actually passed. I routinely go through my days trying no to think that come night fall he is not going to be walking through that door at any point. Its really weird but at the same time its almost like I was already prepared for this. He was never here anyways. Nothing has really changed. I'm still dealing with the girls on my own, doing everything i used to do on a daily basis. nothing has really gone undisturbed with his absence....thats actually quite disturbing.

Shouldnt a parental figure leave more of a mark? Shouldnt there be something left to be desired? I mean dont get me wrong, i do miss him...the problem is that I think there's more about him that I dont miss. I can almost breathe deeper, easier now that hes gone. When did it get like this? When did it ge to the point that he became like a noose around my neck rather then my comfort blanket that I wanted to keep by me at all times? When I remember the feelings surging through me during the first 2 years or so of our relationship...they seem like a dream. Like it happened to me in a completely different lifetime.

Almost 8 years of our lives we fought for something that in the end was in my opinion just weighing us down. I have enough weight to carry with my two girls. I need to hold them up, support them, be strong for them. I shouldnt have to be worrying about having to please anyone else and knowing that no matter what I did that person was NOT going to be pleased. There was always something, just there, like a pebble in his shoe. I could see it, I could feel it.

I think that knowing (because I truly believe this) that I have nothing to lose but everything to gain from being away from this relationship helps. I keep telling myself this over and over again. I still miss him and in a way I still need him but it's more like a bad habit that I'm trying to break away from. Haven't been able to do it cold turkey but the doses are getting weaker and weaker and I'm getting to be OK with that.

Wisdom, strength and courage are paving that road to recovery.

Reasons to Give Thanks

2008-10-13T22:02:00.003-04:00

OK so this should ideally have been where i was today but instead i spent the day at home with my two girls wishing i could just go to sleep so that tomorrow could be here already. i need to remind myself what i need to be thankful for. So in no particular order here we go:

My beautiful, healthy girls have to be number one on this list. Bitch and complain as much as i do about them they are my reason for being and very much so my reason for fighting. If it wasn't for them God knows where i would have life lead me.

My warm, cozy apartment. Always have to say thanks for the solid roof over my head. I work in a mission downtown where I'm surrounded by individuals that have no place to "go home" to. They literally walk around with their lives on their backs. I think we have a tendency of taking the four walls and roof that block out the wind, rain, snow and all other elements that are thrown at us (which here in Canada could be all of the ones listed in one day) for granted.

I have to give thanks for my health, physical and mental. I've been on the verge of deteriorating both at so many points of my life that sometimes its surprising I'm still as stable as I am.

This list can go on and on I suppose. We always tend to focus on all the negatives in our lives. All the 'what ifs?' and 'if only...'

I for one need to sit down and remember what I have and look at how blessed I am for having it. It shouldn't be something only done on a day completely dedicated to giving thanks, it should be done on a daily basis, at the start of each day. I'm sure if we all took a minute to do that it would give us a reason to get up every day, a reason to push on and strive forward.

Wow...so blogging huh?

2008-10-12T13:39:00.002-04:00

You know i cant help but feel a little foolish just starting to do this now. All the countless hours i have spent lamenting and wondering and wishing i had some way to get MY point across without any hold backs. Just be able to puke out everything that is in my twisted little mind. Blogging! Of course blogging! (sigh....stupid) I can already start seeing the challenges in being able to keep up with this and im only 4 lines in. I keep typing as my 9 month old is kicking and trying to grab her foot to tear it off, or so it appears and screams at the lack of attention on my part. My 5 year old is watching T.V while reading a book and playing with a bunch of her little toys that are sprawled out on the living room floor and is constantly complaining about being bored. Meanwhile im sitting here ignoring it all for a few minutes while enjoying my first real "meal" of the day, a nice hot bowl of Mr. Noodles. I have a sink full of dirty dishes, bottles that need to be washed and laundry to be put away.........sorry, had to take a pause to take that in and let the dizzying feeling dissipate. Where's the support you ask? Fucked if i know....probably enjoying their care free lives...(deep sigh)....i really hate people sometimes.